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Sunday, September 29, 2019

Living with Autoimmune Disease...

I don't normally talk about my personal struggles on social media or my blog but today I feel the need. I don't know if anyone is aware of the fact that I have a chronic form of a rare autoimmune disease called Sarcoidosis. For most patients the struggle is much harder than mine so I always feel like a brat when I complain. Only today my mother asked why my yard wasn't mowed and I told her I wasn't able to do it. I have only a weed eater that takes a lot of effort. I used to borrow her mower but they no longer let me due to sticks in the yard which might damage the mower. I get it. I do. 

My yard is currently a jungle BTW. Paying someone to mow is not an option anymore because of the way its over grown. I want to get rid of the huge weeds in my yard. I truly do, but...

I CAN'T DO IT! Not that I don't want to or that I'm lazy. 

I can't

I look fine. I smile and I laugh and I pretend that nothing is wrong when in reality everything is wrong. I walk from my car to my house and I am winded like I ran a marathon. I can't describe the way it feels to not have enough air in your lungs to make things work properly. I can't explain how it makes me mad that I can't weed-eat the lawn. I can't tell you how mad it makes me that I can't do the things I want to do. I only ask that you not make me feel worse about not being able to do these things. Please stop saying why don't you just get out there and mow the lawn when you know it's not that simple nor is it that easy...

Living with a disease no one can see sucks...every day you feel like a loser. You hate the disease. You hate it's limits. You hate that nobody knows what its like unless they have one too.

Be kind to you friends and family who have diseases you can't see and don't ask them why they don't do things. It's because they can't do them... 


Ok rant over.

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Living with Autoimmune Disease...

I don't normally talk about my personal struggles on social media or my blog but today I feel the need. I don't know if anyone is a...